Crash and Learn
The light trails by my side as the rear view flashes red from the distant cars in the counter flow. My hands tremble in the cold night air breathing through my window. My back aches from a long day in school, my eyes tear from fatigue and my feet lack the strength to maneuver as quickly as they did earlier that morning. I am tired, but I am heading home.
It’s 2 a.m., and the roads are clear. There are few cars speeding by, perhaps trying their best to reach home soon to get their rest. Rest, something I very much needed. I simply put the shifter into fourth and cruised along. No need to hurry, I was already late. I was heading home.
I enter the exit to Libis, the tunnel hums from the sound of my engine. Noisy as it may seem, it’s relaxing. The droning sound was like a massage on the back of my neck. I exit the tunnel and enter the flyover; sadly it was brighter inside the tunnel. I put on my high beams and cruised along. No worries, I am heading home.
As I reach the foot of the flyover I sense something on my right side. I look: nothing but a dark cement railing moving faster and faster and lights from the houses behind gleaming in the dark, moonless night, people are asleep, they are already home.
I look back on the road. There’s a streak of black, flesh and silver. A man riding his bike, no, not away, not far from me, he’s crossing the road right in between the beams of my headlights. I honk, I scream. I step on the brakes, I pray.
The sound is horrible. At first the fragile shattering of a metal frame, then the terrible sound of a flesh-and-blood body colliding with the glass windshield and metal roof. It sounds like a piece of meat landing on the floor, only now the floor’s doing 80 kph.
I stop. He has flown seven meters into the pavement.
Trauma
I have road trauma. I used to be able to handle all kinds of things; I used to be an adrenaline junkie, but now I am but a fearful child. I get frightened riding in the front seat of a car, especially when I am a passenger. I feel helpless with no control over the car. I hate that, having no control. I cannot even bear to look at the road when there are cars ahead, I always have to ride behind the driver so I could try to feel safe as I do not see what is up ahead.
And even when it is I driving, I am afraid. I cannot reach past 80 kph; near it my hands start to shake and I get chills. Sweat envelopes the steering wheel and shift knob as I uncontrollably perspire, until I reach a safe speed of 60 kph.
I feel my mind play tricks on me; I have become paranoid while driving and being driven. It is sickening, especially for someone who used to be so into cars. I talk and breathe automotive theory and modification. Now I just watch cars on the sidelines reminiscing how it felt like whenever I was behind the wheel of a sports car, like a war veteran telling tales of his battles and battle scars. My scars though are all beneath my skin.
Life only allows us a certain number of things we can take for granted; go beyond that, you get a hard-hitting realization, oftentimes a painful one. Unfortunately my realization didn’t hurt me but someone else. I am sorry.
I used to take driving and being able to ride a car for granted, always thinking that it was my right. It wasn’t my right; it’s not anyone’s. It’s a privilege and to be able to do so we must work for it and obey certain rules. I broke the simplest of them, keep your eyes on the road.
This is why road safety is such an important factor in society. Many people take driving on the road for granted. Mine almost cost two lives that night, the biker and mine, as I was charged for attempted manslaughter (it was later dropped as we settled and we agreed to take care of the man’s hospital bills and salary for the months he was unable to work).
Road safety isn’t only for the motorists, but also for your passengers and everybody else outside your car. Their lives are in your hands. So I suggest to keep your eyes on the road, slow down and look both ways, simple guidelines yet many seem to forget and not follow.